no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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