My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
