like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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