i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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