I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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