just come out here and I will go home with you...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
