piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize