she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
