In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
