Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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