My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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