in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
