I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
