Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We need to rekindle our bromance
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
