My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize