He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
