Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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