Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
