He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
