cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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