I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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