I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
