So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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