I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize