i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
