I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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