hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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