Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How does one acquire holy water?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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