After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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