break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
