What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize