can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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