he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
