So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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