The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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