With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
