I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
