I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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