I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
