So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
