I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
