I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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