Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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