Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
