But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
