why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want nice things and good sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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