im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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