This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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