he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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