I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
