Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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