I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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