You smell like stripper and shame
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
