If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Say something about gay babies.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
