Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
