So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
