Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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