Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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