What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
