Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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