The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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