I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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